all over the place

home from camp!
uumm...first of all i agree with ALL of what sarah said about camp (except for the nurse part. although i did miss a lot of sleep due to a homesick camper. not even MY camper!! i love you, paige.) scooter posted one camp picture. hhmm who else do i know who has a blog... Sina/Andromache will post pictures soon i hope...? (no, i didn't take a camera. boo) campfire blog should post some pics soon too. and i dunno who else.

so, pretty much the best week ever.

what i learned was...music is pretty cool. sometimes i'm not too sure of who i am or where i'm going with this little life of mine---but then music happens. like randomly jamming till way past curfew with some guitars, flutes, and my xylo. (oh yeah--and huge bongos) like blasting my eardrums first with carribean gospel, and then with newsboys/adoration---and singing along as loud as i could with ryan/shirt, cook nadia(aaaaah i can't remember her camp name:( and campers in the car when the bus broke down. like while the campers were being escorted into the banquet, and a bunch of people randomly started serenading them. like singing 'be bold, be strong' while the bus drives away. during those moments, and thinking about them, i'm so sure i'm right where i belong.
i love the way music influences how you feel--like newsboys nice and loud makes me want to jump and shout and smile and laugh and really sing. and then sufjan (got my suf fix this week too!) just makes me SO happy inside. like i could lie in a field looking at clouds forever listening to him and i'd never get bored...or i could bake cookies or paint a picture and actually enjoy it...or i could...i dunno. suf is like an inside hug. most times. other times he's like a newsboys high.
haha.
and i could go on! like, going back and listening to FIF 'proof that the youth is revolting' is...well, like wearing old comfy shoes. and bluewownumber9 (come, now is the time to worship)...in kentucky...flip. and...dc talk/jesus freak (i always add to my old favourites, never really replace my music phases. my little world just gets bigger.)
the thing is, i don't have enough attention span to focus on getting really good at music---it's frustrating! i want to know enough to really jam it up with all these talented people--but this self-consciousness and lack of confidence gets in the way. it sort of did this week at camp. i tried not to let it---it gets in the way of a lot of things sometimes, and more so when i'm waking up at 4 am to bring a homesick camper to the grey rocket and THEN to the nurse with a tummyache and THEN to the nurse again, and THEN rescuing the hamster while raiding the kitchen at 6 am for an early breakfast with said camper. all on the same morning. :P
same thing for my art---i start out really enthusiastic about something, then i get a little discouraged, and the next thing you know i'm escaping into a library book or blogging about my black abyss/life. i mean, i get discouraged about my art. i definitely don't lose sleep about it. weird!

it's so weird to come home on a camp high and remember what life was like before camp. and it's still the same, only i know more than ever i need to get out of it, because it's true--camp is a little like heaven, and life sure can get better than always escaping or avoiding.

anyways now i'm home from camp and i'm not really excited about jumping back into life. here is what i need to do ASAP:
-plan a big party for C and P (already late for planning it!)
-talk to oma hopefully tonight about cottaging in the netherlands so that brine and i can
-book plane/train tickets asap.
-email my profs about missing a month of class
-find out if i've missed the date for paying the first part of my tuition (haha)
-clean my room, find my passport back
-see the dentist

but what i WANT to do instead is:
-go back to camp
-finish this awful book (cage of stars, by jacquelyn mitchard----so sad!)
-go back to camp
-find cool stuff at value village. actually, shop at all
-go back to camp
-get a hug from dalia
-go back to camp
-NOT work at edengrove anymore
-go back to camp
-eat chocolate
-go back to camp
-go cd shopping
-go back to camp
-live at simon's house which will be one big jam session from september till may

so i'll compromise. i've left a message at oma's...and done some ticket prices research...and i'll make my work lunch and then finish this book. tomorrow i'll cross some more stuff off the NEED to do list.



it's funny how camp makes you face yourself...i'm really bad at doing that. even small things like procrastination annoy me and i don't want to deal with it. i'll do it tomorrow!