(un)certain

I'm kind of embarrassed to post on here!

So, I sat around for an entire semester. I took a much-needed break from being busy (and yet, still managed to be busier than I should have been while taking a break from being busy...)
I continually go from being extremely busy to being extremely slothful...and there's never a middle ground. When I'm extremely busy, I will take time out and hang out with friends, go for coffee dates, do all and everything that's fun, pack my schedule so flipping full, write my papers the night before they're due and write them ALL night, and enjoy every minute of it. (maybe because by then I'm too tired to realize how extremely silly that is?) Then, as soon as there's the smallest suggestion of a break in this pattern, I shut down entirely. I had this entire week to do a lot of reading, getting ahead on some of the work I have to do, to give myself time in the next few weeks to spend with friends, planning retreats, ECF stuff... I had time this week to spend with friends also, to hit up the library downtown and maybe do some shopping or gallery hopping, to find a job for the summer, to start and finish a project...
But what did I do? I went book shopping. Sat around ALL week (night AND day) reading some really good books. I keep saying 'as soon as this one's done I'll be back in real life again--I can't go on until I get to the end of this amazing story---' But it's not true!
There's one book left in the trilogy I've been reading this week...and I've made a deal with myself: I have to finish a study on Titus before I can even think about going to Chapters...(haha, forget the readings I have for class, and my Sculpture work)
But, you know as well as I, that book will still be there AFTER I finish this paper. AFTER the grad exhibit. AFTER this semester is over. AFTER my friend is feeling better. AFTER the bathroom is clean. AFTER I go to the gym. AFTER I make some choices about where my life is going. AFTER I find a summer job.
GAAAAH!

Anyways, at the beginning of this week I'd decided that the extremeness of my life needs to become a little less extreme. But by now, I've just decided to deal with it and enjoy it the way it is. Maybe make more of an effort to get to know WHO is the constant Focus/Purpose/Reason/Essence of my life, and start living extremely to reflect that...