thought process

i'm very frustrated about a decision made in my church recently which just backs us up to square one and where the heck are we gonna go from here. back in the box? uumm, NO!

this is like the worst ingrown toenail ever; you know, when you have an ingrown toenail and you can't just sit and take care of it--you have responsibilities to take care of, so you need to walk a lot...the pain is with you everywhere you go, in whatever you're doing, you can't get away from it, you can't focus on what's really important because you're trying to ease the pain in your toe. it's especially difficult when you're walking pretty fast and tend to kick things that are on the ground or in your way or threatening the fragile little walls you've created around your fragile little world.

oh sorry, did you stub your toe? gotta be careful, you know. there's a lot out there in the big bad world that's gonna be a stumbling block to you.


this pain doesn't take care of itself, and you need to do something drastic to fix it.

like, GO TO THE DOCTOR.

we're so full of ingrown toenails we can't move. of COURSE it's gonna hurt to make some changes! GAAAAAAAAAAAAH. going to the Doctor requires getting up and walking. every step of the way is going to hurt! but you KNOW you need to get there!

in this case, going to the Doctor involves nothing more than getting down on our knees.

and you know what that means. your ingrown toenail is going to be aggravated. irritated. pained. bothered. red, raw and swollen. pussy. naaaaasty.
in short, it's gonna hurt.

by the way, did you think about inviting the Doctor in to look at this toe of yours? it might cause a bit of a ruckus. it might threaten those fragile little walls around your fragile little world which CAN'T KEEP GOD OUT! they can't keep God in either. and, oh wait--he might find some flaws inside those walls. he might notice some stumbling blocks you've hidden INSIDE those flimsy little walls. he might ask you to *gasp* make some changes!

well, if he has plans for you, then he has plans for you. if he thinks you need to be shaken around and left upside down so that you notice the ingrown toenail, then there's nothing stopping him. if you're too afraid to even acknowledge that ingrown toenail, do you THINK he will nicely take care of it? or sweep it under the rug? or let things build up and build up and let people be overlooked and stomped on and kicked out of the way?

don't you think maybe healing the ingrown toenail would be nice? that bandaid doesn't do much, you know. but if you get this thing properly taken care of, and then actually learn how to live your life/govern your church/walk the talk/really glorify HIM in what you're doing...oh, i dono...that's a scary thing to do. people will look at us funny. our parents will shun us, because we're threatening the fragile walls around our fragile world. we'll get hurt. our community will fall apart. it's a big change, and will take a lot of time and effort.

hello! what is the Christian Life if it is not time and effort?
it is GRACE.
but we can't show that grace to the world while we're too busy focusing on this ingrown toenail.








thank you, i'm done ranting.
maybe i'll translate that into a civilized letter to the consistory.


or maybe i'll quit.