i'm also consistently proud.
a couple weeks ago we (various people in ECF) studied John 13:1-17. we were all excited because it's the footwashing passage, and we were going to spend the month of november learning about service, and what better way than to look at the way that Jesus served his disciples in the act of washing their feet!?
little did we know that (yes, kev, it is a brutal truth) we had to let go of our own expectations because God's reality turned out to be quite different.
this passage is more about the need that we, being followers of Jesus and having been forgiven of all our sins, still suffer. our feet! we've been washed clean, from top to bottom, of the sins that were part of us, but we still have human natures and we still walk around on this earth. we get dirty, we pick up bad habits and nasty tendencies, we are tempted to get involved and participate in what the world is doing around us. Jesus wants our feet to be clean. more than that, he wants us to know that our feet need to be cleaned, by him.
"unless i wash you, you have no part with me."
now that we know this, what is there in your life that causes your feet to be dirty? is Jesus pointing out something for you? is there something in your life that's keeping you apart from him, and you're not even aware of it?
and so, the thing that i have been praying about is pride...not just in big proud attitudes and stuff, but in little everyday moments...self-righteous responses, forgetting to look to the interests of others before my own interests, getting annoyed at little things that violate my personal space (and even the attitude that my own personal space needs to take up so much space...) ...see, once your feet are dirty, you track dirt everywhere. there's no part of my environment, where i've been, where the dirt that's on my feet isn't causing a ruckus. it's true. and it's awful.
and yet, getting my feet cleaned is painful sometimes (yup) and embarrassing---even superficially! beautiful women getting their toes done don't have callouses from steel toe landscaping shoes...that's just wrong... so who really wants to step up and get all that toe jam cleaned out in front of a whole lot of people?
anyways, i've prayed about this, and i've thought about it and journalled about it and stuff, but i don't know if i've been able to see any results, except for a little remorse when i've failed yet again.
and i have.
a couple weeks ago we (various people in ECF) studied John 13:1-17. we were all excited because it's the footwashing passage, and we were going to spend the month of november learning about service, and what better way than to look at the way that Jesus served his disciples in the act of washing their feet!?
little did we know that (yes, kev, it is a brutal truth) we had to let go of our own expectations because God's reality turned out to be quite different.
this passage is more about the need that we, being followers of Jesus and having been forgiven of all our sins, still suffer. our feet! we've been washed clean, from top to bottom, of the sins that were part of us, but we still have human natures and we still walk around on this earth. we get dirty, we pick up bad habits and nasty tendencies, we are tempted to get involved and participate in what the world is doing around us. Jesus wants our feet to be clean. more than that, he wants us to know that our feet need to be cleaned, by him.
"unless i wash you, you have no part with me."
now that we know this, what is there in your life that causes your feet to be dirty? is Jesus pointing out something for you? is there something in your life that's keeping you apart from him, and you're not even aware of it?
and so, the thing that i have been praying about is pride...not just in big proud attitudes and stuff, but in little everyday moments...self-righteous responses, forgetting to look to the interests of others before my own interests, getting annoyed at little things that violate my personal space (and even the attitude that my own personal space needs to take up so much space...) ...see, once your feet are dirty, you track dirt everywhere. there's no part of my environment, where i've been, where the dirt that's on my feet isn't causing a ruckus. it's true. and it's awful.
and yet, getting my feet cleaned is painful sometimes (yup) and embarrassing---even superficially! beautiful women getting their toes done don't have callouses from steel toe landscaping shoes...that's just wrong... so who really wants to step up and get all that toe jam cleaned out in front of a whole lot of people?
anyways, i've prayed about this, and i've thought about it and journalled about it and stuff, but i don't know if i've been able to see any results, except for a little remorse when i've failed yet again.
and i have.
1 comment:
i love you Justine. and i'm praying for you. always. we should really talk again soon. i feel like i don't know what's going on in your life:(
pride is something everyone struggles with. don't let people who seem humble fool you. they have just the same amount of pride in them as you do. they may not know it, but i'm pretty sure that there is not one person on this earth that isn't proud about something. and i'm no exception. last week i was feeling sorry for myself, and this week i've been admonished. and this post has helped me realize it all for what it really is: pride.
it hurts.
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