I finished my book with a rush of adrenaline.
I'd spent hours immersed in a world where Light battled Dark, where lives were laid down for really, really important causes. Where wild power was wielded by mages, seers, dragons, gods and goddesses, strong people of honour...SO intense. SUCH a good read. And I love the courage, the valour, the determination each of these characters had. I really admire these legendary figures...and they're just characters in a book! In a stack of paper, held together with some glue, marked with ink in a pattern that will one day be the death of my overused eyes.
The first step to kicking an addiction is acknowledging it's an addiction. I acknowledge: I have an addiction to reading. I will block out all important things (I should have gone to Sheridan today, to prepare for class tomorrow. I should have done a LOT of reading today, for Friday's 4 hours of class. I should have gotten my butt in gear and gotten ready for leading worship tomorrow at LG. I should have!)
But I am not willing to kick the addiction...I can't honestly say that I will be able to last a week without picking up another book. I love the way I'm stuck in the story, held captive by the characters I grow to love...except, I admire them for everything I don't see in myself: self-control (must do homework...) courage (must tackle this paper...) determination (what gym?) ...and some other things too, besides. You'd think I'd stop being a sucker for punishment and just get up and start living...instead of living vicariously through a bunch of imagined personalities...and of course measuring myself up to them and failing miserably....
And every time, I kind of feel guilty. At the way I so easily throw everything away to jump into someone else's world. Everyone else can pick up the slack...I'm busy. Please don't talk to me until I'm ready to come back. I know I'm pathetic right now, sitting in my room ALL DAY with this book, but I'll deal with my patheticness later, when I finish the book. (despite the fact that I'm only on chapter 3 and I'll be waaay more pathetic--and stupidly tired too--tomorrow morning at the end of chapter 29...)
Needless to say, I'm done the book, I did nothing useful today, and now I'm behind in some pretty big things...and that rush of adrenaline from finishing the book has dwindled to simple frustration with this addiction and my patheticness and my self-indulgence and where it leaves me. I got my reading fix, but I'm in a fix now!
Hey...I did go for a good walk today. (point for me!)
3 comments:
Dang, how I wish I was enamoured with reading as you are. I'm enamoured with books - I have stacks of new ones - but when it comes to reading them, I don't get excited. Although, I'm deep into Narnia right now. But yeah, I wish I had the guts to sit and reas a huge book every once in a while, I might learn something. Reading is sweet Justine, although, I guess it can be an idol.
In other news! When can I come to ECF again? We need to talk, like when we were on the beach at Meerveld's cottage this summer.
Grace + Peace, Ben
You can come to ECF anytime! That would be pretty sweet. (gotta convince Anton to come too!) And Yes, let's talk. We can go to the beach again, although it will be pretty cold...
Reading is awesome. But I think it's its awesomeness which makes it so dangerous--I'm glad it's my 'idol' more than TV ever could be simply because it's BETTER...but it's probably not healthy to have an addiction like this, since it certainly seems like idolatry... Might be kind of like getting high. Nothing wrong with it in itself, except that it distracts from directly praising God with everything I am and have.
aren't we glad there's grace for readers, too?! :)
Post a Comment