So I've been thinking about my last two posts...and I think my frustration lies with being mostly willing to be a doormat. Mostly. It's still always awfully hard to volunteer for that humble position. But I recognize the value in it, and I also recognize it's the role that Jesus took, so it's everything he's asking---and since I've already told him I want to follow him, now that I know what that looks like, I can start following...step by slow, sometimes painful, always hard step.
But maybe I haven't fully taken that step...I've left my other foot over there where pride is ok, and where my sense of self hasn't fully accepted what following Jesus really looks like. I mean, there's the principle of the thing: be a doormat, wash peoples' feet, tell them about Jesus, build up brothers and sisters, take care of the needy. (Isaiah 58) But also in Isaiah 58, there's a challenge to do these things correctly. Just going through the actions is not enough. (actually, Malachi tells us it's wrong, especially in leadership.)
Here's the thing I struggle with. I don't want to be the only one understanding this concept, which is the fact that I need to do the actions with the right motives and intentions. People around me just see the actions I'm doing, and they are totally allowed to ask questions, so that I can think about my answers and give them, and so that they can understand too. (1 Peter 3:15) But some of the people around me are also just doing the actions, in a way that hurts instead of builds up, and it's because they haven't allowed themselves to consider a different way of approaching how they follow Jesus.
(TANGENT: But Jesus was the only one understanding this concept too, back in his day! And he was patient and gentle, but also had a tight reign on his tongue...so how do we explain his 'temple tantrum'? (Mark 11:12-19) While he walked on this earth, he had a solid concrete grasp on his ministry and his mission. He didn't let his ego get in the way, but he didn't let their egos get in the way either. For the sake of Truth. Hhmmm.)
So when I'm trying to be a doormat, as well as trying to challenge myself and stretch myself to learn some more, and someone over here misses the point and throws a list of various misquoted texts at me in disagreement with my definitely-not-perfect-but-still-praying-and-trying actions (because they're offended!!!!!!!!!) then they're not helping me and they're definitely not helping others. (or themselves, for that matter) I can't cope with legalist arguments. I can't throw texts back at them to explain why I do what I do. (Hence the desire to go to Bible College somewhere and learn some theology...I don't know if I'll be able to learn enough on my own...) But I don't want to get into a legalist argument---because that's their turf and not mine. So I get defensive and abrasive to get out of the situation as well as point at the wrongness of their approach...and in this way I'm starting back at square one with trying to follow Jesus in spirit and in truth, rather than just what we're told to do at face value. And now I understand all the attacks Jesus parried from the Pharisees, and the amount of self control he was able to exert. (I definitely have a warped sense of reality and knowledge, compared with his!!--- Yikes.)
Yup. So there's some psychoanalysis there...and I feel, since I've acknowledged what's going on and since you've read this, like I've identified the problem and now I can go work on it.
Keep Praying.
But maybe I haven't fully taken that step...I've left my other foot over there where pride is ok, and where my sense of self hasn't fully accepted what following Jesus really looks like. I mean, there's the principle of the thing: be a doormat, wash peoples' feet, tell them about Jesus, build up brothers and sisters, take care of the needy. (Isaiah 58) But also in Isaiah 58, there's a challenge to do these things correctly. Just going through the actions is not enough. (actually, Malachi tells us it's wrong, especially in leadership.)
Here's the thing I struggle with. I don't want to be the only one understanding this concept, which is the fact that I need to do the actions with the right motives and intentions. People around me just see the actions I'm doing, and they are totally allowed to ask questions, so that I can think about my answers and give them, and so that they can understand too. (1 Peter 3:15) But some of the people around me are also just doing the actions, in a way that hurts instead of builds up, and it's because they haven't allowed themselves to consider a different way of approaching how they follow Jesus.
(TANGENT: But Jesus was the only one understanding this concept too, back in his day! And he was patient and gentle, but also had a tight reign on his tongue...so how do we explain his 'temple tantrum'? (Mark 11:12-19) While he walked on this earth, he had a solid concrete grasp on his ministry and his mission. He didn't let his ego get in the way, but he didn't let their egos get in the way either. For the sake of Truth. Hhmmm.)
So when I'm trying to be a doormat, as well as trying to challenge myself and stretch myself to learn some more, and someone over here misses the point and throws a list of various misquoted texts at me in disagreement with my definitely-not-perfect-but-still-praying-and-trying actions (because they're offended!!!!!!!!!) then they're not helping me and they're definitely not helping others. (or themselves, for that matter) I can't cope with legalist arguments. I can't throw texts back at them to explain why I do what I do. (Hence the desire to go to Bible College somewhere and learn some theology...I don't know if I'll be able to learn enough on my own...) But I don't want to get into a legalist argument---because that's their turf and not mine. So I get defensive and abrasive to get out of the situation as well as point at the wrongness of their approach...and in this way I'm starting back at square one with trying to follow Jesus in spirit and in truth, rather than just what we're told to do at face value. And now I understand all the attacks Jesus parried from the Pharisees, and the amount of self control he was able to exert. (I definitely have a warped sense of reality and knowledge, compared with his!!--- Yikes.)
Yup. So there's some psychoanalysis there...and I feel, since I've acknowledged what's going on and since you've read this, like I've identified the problem and now I can go work on it.
Keep Praying.
5 comments:
Hey, thanks for that! Making me think, I mean. I always need to do more of that.
WWJD is so much easier said, or worn on the wrist, than actually carried out. Sometimes I feel I'm acting less as a doormat than just a piece of dirty ground in front of it... getting stepped on, but making a mess while I'm at it.
I'll be praying for you. Hope you'll do likewise.
In other news, I miss you. What's new!?
Anyway see you around. Next LW, at the latest.
Lawren!
Definitely praying for you! Thanks for reading. :) I dunno who's all out there these days, (Hello? Comments?) but I'm glad I'm not the only one thinking about this stuff.
Yup, see you around!
Yeah, I always wonder who's reading my blog too (ahem) but I haven't read yours in a while. I just sort of went on a blog-reading spree recently. This one's going to be a regular though, for sure!
Amen, and keep up the fight, both of you.
Key: 1 Peter 3:16a...But do this with gentleness and respect...
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