Of Beginnings And Endings

I don't know why I don't read the Bible more often---it's SO amazing to see it come to life. To open it up to a random place and to be amazed at God's subtlety. To put myself on the operating table and invite Jesus to do open heart surgery. This heart transformation stuff IS painful...but it IS necessary. I'm being slowly undragonned. (read Voyage of the Dawn Treader for the dragon reference) It's taking forever. It has taken these five years of IV's missile-launching mission to show me where I've needed to grow. It has taken these five years of intense pressure to find the cracks in me. (crackhead) But God's not done with me...no, not by a long shot. I can't give you a straight answer---all I can tell you is that it's pretty crazy to be here right now.

Anyway, the vagueness is slowly clearing up. I'm coming to the end of my involvement as a student in IV, and in this community where I've found myself--literally... I'm coming to the beginnings of I-Don't-Know-What, and I've tried to convince myself that I'm ok with Not Knowing. I don't want to be at the end of this joy that is Camp, but I don't know how to hold on to the old and still embrace the new. This is still painful, and more than I can think about right now. I'm at a crossroads with where I can call home, and I'm excited to say that I want home to be where Jesus is. Unfortunately, details are still vague right now---at some point home will look like an address, like a vocation and a future, but right now it's all in the Book...