...............maybe...

Yesterday I checked out some personal ads online. Not out of any personal interest beyond simple curiosity---I've seen personal ads on tv or in movies or books, and people actually do post personal ads in real life! ...so the link was there, and I clicked, just to see what this part of the world looks like...

It was funny at first. There are some truly funny/satirical/sarcastic people out there, with humour directed even at themselves as they officially take this step into patheticness. Some are able to humourously say 'I can't make friends in real life, so I'm going to try this instead. Nothing to lose. Maybe I'll meet someone.'

I can relate.

It was funny at first. I know it can be scary, and I will be the first to suggest that maybe people in these personal ads are crazy. I am not a stupid naive girl (usually) and I know myself enough to be able to say 'maybe I need to not get involved.'

It was funny at first, but it actually was really sad. So many lonely people, looking not just for sex or random play but for companionship, for friendship, for someone to talk to. So many lonely people looking for something beyond their reach. So many lonely people just doing their daily routine, trying to cope with being alone, not having the ability or the confidence or the courage or the knowledge or the creativity or the guidance that would get them out of the gutter. So many people who have no idea what kind of companionship God can provide. (Do I really have any idea? I'd like to say yes...but I think that would be a lie. Might as well be pathetically honest.)

((It's even kinda funny, in an odd, twisted way, that people don't even walk around with a sign on their forehead. Do they? Wouldn't that make more sense, to be more direct about this stuff? Am I oblivious to the pain in their eyes as I walk past them on the street? The guy sitting across from me in this computer lab---did he just finish posting one of those ads? I can't tell, he's got his hat pulled down really low over his face. And what's with one of those anyway, that phrase is SO bad))

And I have so much! Who am I to complain about being tired, when I have friends who will cheer me up and make me soup, and pray with me; who can read my face like a sign on my forehead? (make way, make way! crash mode* coming through!) Who am I to complain about being lonely when I still live at home with an amazing family? Who am I to complain about feeling so insecure when I know FULL WELL who my Rock and my Fortress is?!?! I don't get it. I'm NO different from the guy---one of those---who waits at his computer every day for someone---anyone!---to respond to his 'message in a bottle.' Yet, simply because of the fact that I know about God, and I'm a 'stupid naive girl', I'm literally worlds apart.

Somehow I don't think this works.

*definition: crash mode. looks like this:

Not feeling well-->Can't/Don't want to work.

Not getting work done-->Stressed/Can't sleep.

Not sleeping-->Not feeling better.

Not feeling well-->Can't/Don't want to work.

.

caused by end-of-term-itis mixed with excessive procrastination and a lack of productivity as well as a lack of sabbath rest. end in sight: 2 weeks/lots of work away.