...............maybe...

I've been learning a lot...but kind of not either. It's so interesting how you can be living in ministry---every day is focused on some part of the ministry we are doing here: LOST dates at Two Chicks with the staff on your night off...how you treat your housemates...surprise parties held for friends... You can live in the middle of this ministry, and yet the entire time you can be ignoring God's call. I feel called to be here, but I can't just get here and then sit around and wait for the next message. I'm really not doing well with searching the Scriptures and PRAYING. I know the theory behind getting this devotion discipline down pat...and I know the benefits for me and for the people I'm ministering to and with. Except that there is more on the line than simply the ministry I am in...I need to want to devote time and energy to this relationship with God because I want to know him. HE needs to be the reason for this devotion---the reason can't be 'the result of devotion' or 'so that others can learn devotion to God'....no. It needs to be HIM.

Yup....so that's my current prayer request----that I would desire HIM more and more. And MORE. And that this desire would grow and become a life of constant prayer and Scripture searching, that I would come to NEED this and rely on God FULLY.

Funny how in the past I wanted to just immerse myself in a ministry far from home so I could get away from all the lovely little local distractions that fill up my life...and instead focus on the ministry itself and on what God is doing there and in me. Funny how the reality is opposite---my circumstances do not dictate the availability of the Holy Spirit and what He can do in me---instead, I need to take my circumstances and I need to WORK towards being a Sanctuary.

Lord, prepare me!