what you put in

totally affects what life consists of. I am a walking example. I said walking rather than living, because as Madeleine L'Engle has said: '...unless we are creators, we are not fully alive.'

You might say 'I told you so.' And that's probably true. I even told myself. I knew exactly what I was getting into when I signed up for this. And still we persevere.

But is it a persevering? Barely surviving. Most definitely not thriving. Is there a bad apple in the bushel that is this life, or is there just a rotten stink that pervades the whole thing? And what would that stink consist of? Busy-ness? Lack of sleep? Claustrophobic toes? No specific direction? A deadly combination of these, and more? I keep going back to moments like this, where the vagueness is actually still a level of comfort...

Bad apple or rotten pervading stink---it's not all over: we have a solid foundational belief in a life and a death and a resurrection which redeem every inch. But it takes alive to know alive. There's an undeniable responsibility on the part of the receiver of life to DO SOMETHING WITH THAT LIFE. And that SOMETHING needs to include a whole lot of whatever is not currently included in this whirlwind summer. And I learn this every damn whirlwind summer.

So if I'm still struggling in the wake of this whirlwind, does that mean I haven't actually learned anything? I've proven to myself and to the world (NOBODY CARES!) that I can push through to the end of not one, not two, but...this is the 7th glorious, impossible summer. (9th if you count the CLS years...)(and I repeat: nobody cares!!!) I've learned, through the repeated lack, what is necessary for wellbeing. For life.

But one of the biggest life-giving experiences is learning and putting to use what has been learned. No? You can't learn something about life and keep it restricted to just a simple theory. Life isn't theory. Life is doing and being and sharing and believing and hoping and loving and seeing and tasting. Well, loving should be closer to the beginning of that list.

I didn't lose interest in finishing this post...I just also believe that life is also sleeping. As lame as that sounds... Good night!