grasping at straws...ish

snowboarding. asap. heck yes!
i think i've pushed school to the back of my mind. i've totally ignored all the projects i have due in the next few days/weeks...i don't have any final exams this semester, only a takehometest... which is a paper and will be fun...
but school has taken a backseat to my social life, to ecf, to me hanging out with sometimes very random people. i guess, with my 'spare time' this semester that's ok--it's good to focus on people and relationships... might as well, now that i only have four classes. except...with my very 'small/easy' courseload, i've also become very lazy. i'd much rather sit and read than do any of my homework, even though, after having finished all that homework i then will have close to a month to sit around. unless i go work at PSC dishpit again...hhmm... or maybe i can just get on that beadwork and sell some stuff--handmade jewellery--....to put towards italy trip? ...
i hate it. did i mention this yet in a previous post? (not sure/can't remember...) someone did a presentation in YPS last meeting about depression...and said that one of the symptoms is disinterestedness/no urge to do anything. so i've diagnosed myself---i think i go through moments of depression...where it will last anywhere from an hour to a whole semester...and i hate this. i hate it so much, but i love it--i don't want to get up and do stuff, i don't want to work out and be really tired...i don't want to stay up all night to perfect this print project...i don't want to go out of my lazy way to find spotty floors for my sculpture project (haha)...because i love my books and i love my couch and i love my friends that i hang out with and i love my piano (even though we spend less and less time together...) but what gets me is that i KNOW how much i'll benefit from getting out and being healthy...working for better marks in school...earning money to go to italy...getting my artistic career started on the right foot... developing SKILLS (heck yes...) meeting new people and learning new things---this is what life is all about. enough of this sitting around watching life happen to everyone else! aaaaaaah! and all this peptalkness will not help me--i just get more angry and frustrated and distracted and confused. isn't this nice.
this is what's up right now---it might change in an hour or two, depending on how far i get with my drawings...:) ttyl