how about some introspection on pessimism?

hooray!
i signed up for CAMPFIRE! for d3. go check out the website if you want more info. the campfire spring banquet was a huge success, and even though i wasn't there, i made my mark....at least 15 gruelling hours of painting hung up above everyone's heads... :) fun stuff.
lodder day was fun today---not all the lodders showed up, however. it's kinda weird...growing up, when i was a kid those lodder days were SO much fun. now, because of decreasing enthusiasm from various cousins of my own age group, i find myself wanting to hang out with the younger (and singler!) crowd. :D teasing. it was fun. and yes, a roadtrip across canada with shannon and candice and oma would be AWESOME fun. next summer. along with my newly discovered goal of spending a week next summer in spain (www.vaughanvillage.com) thanks to gus, who is heading out there in a month or two. (must be nice, to just throw a week or two like that) maybe i can have a garage sale. i'd make enough money on which to print the plane ticket!
kidding. it just gave me an energy boost. i'm no longer pessimistic. which i was this morning:
my stalker showed up at church again this morning. it was funny, because my dad was there before me handing out bulletins, so i wasn't surprised out of my wits--- it's been WEEKS since i saw this guy last, i thought he'd given up. i thought i was safe to walk into my home church without worrying about having to run out of there to avoid awkward situations. anyways, he came out and gave me an easter card before i had a chance to hide...and i escaped to the bathroom and when i came back, he'd gone to sit down with another family...and i sat in the back with my mom...wow. i don't think i've ever been so scared in my life. shaky? freaked out? start bawling any minute? i definitely heard a lot of that sermon... :) anyways, after church i did what i should have done but was too freaked out to do the last two times he walked 6 hours in pouring rain to come see me at my church----first i gave him his card back, then i asked him to leave me alone. he's not a scary stalker because he's not big and mean or anything, he's kinda scrawny and quiet (and creepy), the reason i didn't ask him to leave me alone last time this happened is that i was just too creeped out and shaky. and i felt a little rude. a little?
there is a definite dividing line between christian hospitality, openness to fellow believers and all that, and watching out for your own safety, right? this is a guy off the street...i don't think he's quite emotionally stable or something...but what's the compromise in this situation between being a brother or sister in Christ, and yet not inviting the guy over for lunch or making sure he has a ride home? at the same time, how can i justify letting another family deal with it (having him over for lunch b/w church, driving him back home), when, because he's stalking ME, it's my problem in the first place... am i not capable of taking care of my own relationship problems? no--i hide behind my parents, behind other people in my church who are more open and inviting and hospitable than me.
yes, i'm having some difficulties getting past the smaller details of the day. but while they don't seem to be really significant, these are things for which i think i would resent someone else. anyways, stalker is gone. hopefully for good. i'd like to volunteer at streetlight again, but i'm too creeped out about running into stalker-----i'd need to invest in a bodyguard/boyfriend first before i feel safe enough to do that. :)
ANYWAYS. long story short: day was somewhat stressful but still enjoyable. church was nice. chocolate's good stuff, but like everything, moderation really would be a good thing to practice.
marriage counselling tomorrow, also two bible studies at school and a wonderful two hour class taught by my favourite professor on 20th century art---what more could i want? oh yeah.... some spring weather maybe....