well, not really. downward spiral, maybe. well, not even that.
so, this week is full of paper writing, and at the same time i'm trying to fill it up with all kinds of social events and missing out on other things because i'm busy with too many things, despite the fact that this paper is looming ever gloomier... and it's definitely not going to write itself. (i knew that...)
it's not a downward spiral. there are exciting things like LW this weekend, and APRIL starting, and school finishing soon, and City/Script coming up, and a thunderstorm today, and homemade chai latte, and chocolate, and a 'new' mp3 player just waiting to be filled with musical goodness (ooooh man, am i ever excited!), and good discussions with friends about God, and good discussions with friends about other things too...
i guess, sometimes it's just hard to remember all of these little things which make me happy, when there's some not-so-happy things on the horizon. or, when there's a not-so-happy atmosphere hanging around. it's also hard to remember that all of these little things can possibly make me happy now, but that not-so-happy atmosphere does not fit under a little bandaid. you might say my head's in the clouds----but in this case, the cloud is blocking out the Son.
uuuuuuuumm i don't even know where this is coming from right now. well, i guess i do.
and part of the problem is i mostly do know where this is coming from, and i've known for a while, and i sporadically make efforts to change/grow/develop better habits/wake up half an hour earlier/turn the music off and focus/really make things real... but the problem is 'sporadic'. by that i mean, there's no consistency in how i walk with Christ---
it's mostly a problem for me now, when i've heard from people i love that they really see me living a Christlike life.
but really? am i really living a Christlike life?
the way i see it, my life is usually kind of a shell. i think, Christlike might actually be the wrong term for the ideal we Christians seek to live: it speaks too much of performed identity, of imitation and copycat. (which is definitely a shell of what true Christianity 'might' need to be)
instead of Christlike, how about Christful. this means, Christ be with me and within me! this means, fill up my heart from the inside! this means, fill every crack in my worn out human existence! this means, literally, full of Christ! kind of like how Beautiful means full of beauty!
i agree that a typical Christlike life would usually represent a Christful existence. yet i'm realizing more and more, simply in my own heart, that maybe this is not necessarily the case, and, besides fooling others, we even fool ourselves. it's kind of scary.
but Jesus Christ knows where home is. i'm pretty sure we can't fool Him...
so, this week is full of paper writing, and at the same time i'm trying to fill it up with all kinds of social events and missing out on other things because i'm busy with too many things, despite the fact that this paper is looming ever gloomier... and it's definitely not going to write itself. (i knew that...)
it's not a downward spiral. there are exciting things like LW this weekend, and APRIL starting, and school finishing soon, and City/Script coming up, and a thunderstorm today, and homemade chai latte, and chocolate, and a 'new' mp3 player just waiting to be filled with musical goodness (ooooh man, am i ever excited!), and good discussions with friends about God, and good discussions with friends about other things too...
i guess, sometimes it's just hard to remember all of these little things which make me happy, when there's some not-so-happy things on the horizon. or, when there's a not-so-happy atmosphere hanging around. it's also hard to remember that all of these little things can possibly make me happy now, but that not-so-happy atmosphere does not fit under a little bandaid. you might say my head's in the clouds----but in this case, the cloud is blocking out the Son.
uuuuuuuumm i don't even know where this is coming from right now. well, i guess i do.
and part of the problem is i mostly do know where this is coming from, and i've known for a while, and i sporadically make efforts to change/grow/develop better habits/wake up half an hour earlier/turn the music off and focus/really make things real... but the problem is 'sporadic'. by that i mean, there's no consistency in how i walk with Christ---
it's mostly a problem for me now, when i've heard from people i love that they really see me living a Christlike life.
but really? am i really living a Christlike life?
the way i see it, my life is usually kind of a shell. i think, Christlike might actually be the wrong term for the ideal we Christians seek to live: it speaks too much of performed identity, of imitation and copycat. (which is definitely a shell of what true Christianity 'might' need to be)
instead of Christlike, how about Christful. this means, Christ be with me and within me! this means, fill up my heart from the inside! this means, fill every crack in my worn out human existence! this means, literally, full of Christ! kind of like how Beautiful means full of beauty!
i agree that a typical Christlike life would usually represent a Christful existence. yet i'm realizing more and more, simply in my own heart, that maybe this is not necessarily the case, and, besides fooling others, we even fool ourselves. it's kind of scary.
but Jesus Christ knows where home is. i'm pretty sure we can't fool Him...
2 comments:
Praying . . .
If you need to talk, I'm here! I know what you mean. I get people, especially one friend, always telling me how much my life is so inspiring for them to be more Christ-like, but I don't see it.
I missed you on Saturday night. Can't wait till LW though. See you then!
often what people interpret as a 'Christlike' life is what they observe in what we DON'T do. Unfortunately (or rather, fortunately!) a Christful life is more than abstaining from sin... it's growing our relationship with God. And like all relationships, this takes time, effort, and commitment. But unlike our human relationships, He will never let us down, He will always be there when we need Him (which is, well, all the time). A Christian lifestyle doesn't lead us to a good relationship with God: it is our relationship with Him that will inspire us to live a Christian life!
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