because that one's getting old.
still somewhat true. but old.
i just really want to sing. and i really want to spend time with people...but i'm sitting at home alone on a saturday night, reading peoples' blogs. i also just really want to be alone, so i guess this works too.
but i still want to sing. looking forward to church tomorrow, as beautiful and singable as those genevan tunes are...what's a good colour for sarcasm? nasty puke green?
i just really want to be myself. at work, i'm not surrounded with people who will help me and support me in this, or appreciate who i am. (so i fear, i suppose. otherwise i'd just do it, be myself. if i knew how.) and i don't have time or energy outside of work to spend with people who will. i think this is part of the reason for depression and such, and how/why i don't look forward to working. and how/why spending extra time there just kills me. and how/why i need to not be there. this is also a reason why i just really don't want to be single anymore---but i need to solve this one myself, can't depend on someone else to fix it. that's just not a smart way to grow up. would be nice, but not smart.
i just really want to get all my ducks in a row. figure out what's dream and what's goal, what's realistic, what's too farfetched, what's something i can really honestly plan for in my life. what i'm too much of a wuss to dream of, what i need to do about those dreams to prove to myself that i'm not too much of a wuss.
i just really want to sleep. and now i will.
6 comments:
I love you Justine! I know you'll figure it out, whatever "it" could possibly be, whether dreams, goals or something even more. And I'll be praying for you too.
Kelly
oh man thanks kelly!
flip, i miss you.
war.
you're an awesome girl. lets sing together sometime soon okay? i miss singing too...LW needs to start up again...
I'm partial to the Phrygian mode, myself. Something about those particular tunes... some of them are fun to sing (e.g. psalm 51), if you don't have a predisposition to not like them. But it's hard to beat the major and minor keys of the Hymns...
Hey Justine! i wanted to talk to you yesterday, but then i got distracted... sorry. i feel kinda crappy for that. anyway, i just wanted to say, I'm still praying for you lots, and I know that you will take your problems to God, but I want to encourage you to do that anyway. "cast all your cares on Him, for he cares for you!"
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